marriage: i was wrong

October 12, 2018

this marriage series is a series where i randomly share the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to our marriage.  find all marriage posts here.  i hope you learn something from our experiences!

funny thing about us humans...we have a hard time admitting when we're wrong.  we're all guilty of it.  it's human nature.  but what if i told you failing to admit your faults actually cripples you.  it stunts your growth.  what if we're both wrong and we can both admit our faults to each other?  that would be ideal right?  so just do it!

in most disagreements with your spouse (or in any relationship really), there are two people at fault, not just one.  our perception is our reality and so 9 times out of 10, we just always assume how we perceive things is just truth.  when in reality, if we took a few seconds to self reflect before reacting, we can really avoid an argument.

the other night i came home from work to my husband doing the dishes.  i had had a great day at work and now junior's doing the dishes?!  what?!  did i just win the lottery?  i started to put my things away and started thinking about what i was going to do for the evening.  junior came into the bedroom and said "i did the dishes so now you can actually do something!".  a few more words were exchanged and i kept trying to interrupt him and say but i'm always doing something!  what do you mean?!  i took his words as him saying i don't do enough in the house or at work or with my blog.  and one of my insecurities is feeling inadequate, feeling like i don't do enough or am not good enough.  i was triggered.

i locked myself in the bedroom and got depressed.  part of me was waiting for junior to come in the room and whisk me off the bed with kisses and a million "i'm sorry's".  but since that didn't happen (it never does), i took a minute and thought maybe i'm wrong.  maybe he wasn't trying to offend me and tell me i don't do anything.

i walked out of the room and went to the kitchen to start cooking.  he was trying to talk to me like normal but i was short and aggressive with him.  screw you, i thought! and then i just flat out asked him what were his intentions in saying that "now you can go do something" because i took it as if he meant that i don't do anything.  and he explained that he listened to me when i told him that when our apartment was a mess, i can't focus on anything creative.  and so his intention was to say the apartment is not a mess, the dishes are done, so now you can do anything you want to do creatively without being distracted in a messy apartment.

i had tears in my eyes when he told me this.  tears in my eyes while i told him thank you for clearing that up.  thank you for explaining to me what you meant because i was wrong in assuming your intentions were malicious.  and if i didn't take a moment to self reflect, we would have had a huge argument, like we had done so many times before in the past.

i don't mind admitting when i'm wrong.  i'm not perfect at it.  i don't do it all the time.  sometimes it takes a huge argument for me to realize i am, in fact, wrong.  but making yourself vulnerable to your partner is such a beautiful thing.  trusting your partner is beautiful.  i did an uncomfortable thing that saved us a pointless argument.  i was wrong and i'm happier because i was able to admit that.

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14 comments

  1. I love how you shared a real life marriage story! I am also guilty of doing the same thing when my husband doesn't say "the right thing" to me. Thanks for sharing with us!

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    1. thanks so much girl! it's so so hard to admit when we're wrong in the moment but it's so worth it! thank you for reading! <3

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  2. This is so beautiful! I love your humble heart. This is one of the biggest traits of having a great marriage.....the ability to recognize that we are not right all the time. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Thanks for sharing this experience babe! I think it's really important to admit when we are wrong too, it makes a big difference!

    Kileen
    cute & little

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  4. Such an honest blog
    Post! I am like you and it is so important to be able to admit we are not right all the time

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  5. Oh girl this post can really resonate with so many people! Sometimes we jump to conclusions thinking the worst instead of best.

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  6. Absolutely love the honesty in this post! Thanks for sharing! Definitely some good lessons to keep in mind on here! :)

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  7. One thing I've learned my first month of marriage is that honesty and communication is SO important! Love your honesty in this post.

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  8. It's so important to actually communicate with your loved ones! My fiancé and I have been working on this since day one, and it's helped our relationship so much. I love that you took that moment to just ask your husband what his intentions were with his words. It's amazing what a difference asking and apologizing can make!

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  9. I read a book about marriage that I absolutely loved! It's called "The Different Languages of Love". I learned that some people's language of love are affection, others communications, while others show love by helping or complementing you. I learned a lot, specially that men and women see the world in a different way, so I can totally understand your experience. The important part is that the couple make an effort to communicate and to show love to each other... Never give up! Thank you for sharing your moments!

    XO
    Candace
    http://www.thebeautybeau.com

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  10. Loved reading this! I am not married, but definitely still some very relatable moments in there. Loved that you shared your vulnerabilities and struggles (and good parts) about marriage!

    Denise | Fashion Love Letters

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  11. It's never easy but so important to be able to admit when you're wrong! Loved reading this!

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  12. Aww, that's so sweet of your husband! Like you, I don't mind admitting when I'm wrong but it takes me a few minutes to get there.

    xo Deborah
    Coffee, Prose, and Pretty Clothes

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  13. What a sweet story! Y'all are so adorable :)

    -xo, Azanique | www.lotsofsass.com

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